I'm going to be ethnic

Warning: no ass fucking, politics ahead…

So I am ethnically Dutch, you had no idea about that, no reason to know. So I’m pulling the Netherlander card now though, I’m tired and inspired. Her name is Ayaan Hirsi Ali, she is a Dutch politician born in Somalia, has seen the Muslim world and watched her cohort die from a movie (Theo van Gogh) that didn’t jive with the Muslim world.

Her basic point: we cannot turn our cheek; we must stand up because we will not win by acquiescing. What I am left with is a realization that we (liberals) are so weak we have lost our lunatic fringe. We need gun-toting assholes who will say “this shit is wrong and we may have to kill to fix it.” Ayaan knows, we cannot stop our words so Iran can continue to deny the holocaust, we have to throw the hits back. Not regime-change, but how about “hey, we pay $30/barrel for oil, all you are going to get, oh, and don’t bomb Israel or we’ll throw it right back at you."

Scary to say, but liberals aren’t pacifists (see Lenin) and we need to stop saying its OK to just hold hands and sing koom-bye-ya. “Fuck this shit” should be our call and we are going to treat you like we used to treat S. Africa until you clean up your act. Its over, buttons pushed, seriously time for FUCK YOU, women minorities, gays, Jews, blacks (see Sudan) you have to respect or we screw you, period.

Is top Bi?

So top isn't so experienced with the men, i'm his 4th and i get the idea the three who came before didn't cum too many times with him. So after a rather lackluster roll in the sack (i'm not the best bottom when completely sober and in a foul mood) he said "ummm, mind if i ask you some questions?" and so for an hour we talked about sex. Not dirty, more like Ms. Sauerbier, my 8th grade health teacher, talked about sex.

We covered from vadge to ass and back again. Liking it when i cum in his mouth is normal, yes we can try it doggy style, no, its not always more comfortable to be on top while bottoming and you shouldn't just lay there when i am. Then came the uncomfortable part: can the vadge take more pounding than the ass and for longer? and said in a way that fondly remembers hours of vadge pounding.

So then i wonder: maybe he's bi, maybe he'd rather have a power bottom who will go for hours. I explain the concept but admittedly added something about "but they just never top, TOTAL bottoms." Ok, and i added urban myth of the couple who were both bottoms and had to take viagra so one could get it up for the other. Not the most appealing description, i know.

So if he goes back to girls part time, may be my fault, but i can't lose him to a power bottom, there just aren't enough tops in DC for that.

NYE: Conclusion

Its not everyday you get to take a night you were a total ass on and remake it into a night where you starred as the innocent victim... but I believe I have.

As you may remember I allegedly displayed my peepee to bottom's friend's boyfriend sometime after midnight and alot of alcohol. I don't remember any such thing and so was relying on the story told by [now angry] bottom. Turns out, not the whole story.

The "victim" of my alleged evildoing is not, in fact, the "innocent boyfriend" of bottom's friend. The "victim" instead is the same "victim" who gave bottom's last boyfriend a blow job that led to them breaking up. So this guy gets bottom's dates drunk, takes advantage of them, and then bottom takes it out, not on the whore who perpetrates it, but instead on his date.

I have since gently suggested he reconsider his friendship with someone who is a serial molester of boyfriends. I think in the end, we're on the road to sex again, but when its good, its worth it.

NYE: the fun continues...

Just when I though things couldn't get worse and we could tie up that disaster in a bow and begin the process of blocking out what isn't blacked out, I got a friendster message subject "My New Years' Resolutions" today. From a straight guy friend of a friend.

The main gist "on NYE you did, as i have asked you more than enough times in the past to stop doing, made me feel uncomfortable by the way you speak to me and constantly poke me." And he doesn't mean "poking" the way I would mean poking. He means a finger in the stomach and not even that finger. So whatever, i'm going to be called an ass by well, a drunk. Not so lucky. Some of the choice phrases:

"if you do not heed this warning and merely shake my hand when i shake yours and not be inappropriate you are just flat out going to get hurt. i mean that."

"i let the stuff go at N's months ago writing it off to it having been the moment when I issued you the first serious warning, but i am not writing off this anymore. you fuck up and cross me in anyway shape or form again, you will sorely regret it."

"i am most likely the most gay-friendly straight man you have ever met, that is something i am proud of, and i will not let your ridiculous behavior taint my morals/standards and ruin the way i handle myself around folks with different sexual orientations, hence this email."

So just to recap: he's very gay tolerant as long as you don't in any way do anything that could be called flirting like saying something innappropriate that could be sexual or [gasp] poke him in the stomach.

Kids, the most gay-friendly straight man i've ever met fucked my ass when we were both drunk and horny. And if i'm drunk and bothering you, walk away. Enough said.

New Year resolution = I BLOG AGAIN!

So here's the short version: fell in love, stopped blogging. Fell out of love, was lazy. Its 2006 and I'm back at blogging.

SO you'd think 2006 would be better, well, lets just say night number one didn't go too well. I'd been dating two guys for about a month. I'd met them on back-to-back dates (one was Friday, the other Saturday. Alternate names are top and bottom) and things were going OK. In fact things are still OK with top, but isn't it always the pesky bottoms who cause the trouble?

So to get back to the story, top is currently away on vacation, leaving a fairly simple New Years Eve with bottom. Friday night, things got a little tricky and then it got ALOT trickier...

Bottom asked me over to watch a movie, Margaret Cho no less. I had a nice Thursday date with top, and decided I wanted some me time before NYE and I had to keep bottom from attaching. So I declined and stayed home, had a glass of wine, watched a movie. Around 11 I started to get a little horny and thought I’d give craigslist a whirl. Well, anon works both ways and it turns out you can accidentally reply to people you wouldn't if you knew. Like bottom's best friend.

So Saturday was spent wondering if I still had a date, was I tattled on, etc. By 4pm, with no replies to my "how's your day” SMS I had pretty much given up and was looking forward to a stag night. Then bottom called and around the same time I got the "your secret's safe" email from his friend. NYE lesson no. 1: never trust a "your secret's safe" email.

So we were on, drinks at his friend's until midnight, then my friend's party. We meet up before at his place, I play the manly-boyfriend who isn't afraid to cut up a few raw chicken wings for him, we go to the party. Drink count: 2 shots of sambuca before I left my place, 2 glasses of champagne at bottom's.

The first party was small, only 6 of us. At least I’d only craigslisted one of the six, of course counting me 2 of the six knew about it or wait, one-third of the party knew a secret that could destroy the evening. Glad I didn't do the math until now. At least my other third (who i would, by the way, fuck in a second) was seeming to be cool and even thought up an excuse for us to be alone for 5 minutes on a 7-11 run. A 7-11 run where I was leaning up against rubbing up against and touching him alot of the time. (In the spirit of disclosure: about 2 years ago he and made out in his pickup on a 1/2 date, so there was some history for a common bond and now he's heard of my sexual prowess from his best friend, bottom) The party went on, I had a beer, then wine then wine again then champagne. I was heading towards wasted. So I [allegedly] did the only thing that comes natural; I whipped out my cock. So now I'm at a party with my boyfriend, his best friend who I craigslisted the night before and his other best friend who I showed my cock to. I once flashed my entire b-day party, so nothing too unusual yet, but bad times are coming.

Onward to the second party, only bottom and I as the rest of the group headed for Halo. You'd think I had escaped successfully and the night would at least end with some sex even if the next day all would come to light and it would be over. Well, that’s because you've probably never seen me in drunk-action. Capable of ruining entire parties and ending multi-year friendships, I assure you.

We get to the second party and I'm having a great time, talking, flirting, the host is one of my good friends. I'm in my drunk element, kind of like an aquarium full of vodka. Then about an hour into the party I realize I came with a date... A date I haven't seen in a while now that I think of it. I drunkenly wander the party asking friends if they've seen my date (thankfully most were too drunk to remember) and no one has. I call his phone, no answer... So I call the other third and am told he called his friends to complain because I was flirting and well, he was filled in on the other things. Luckily I was 20 blocks from home and depending on bottom's cash for the cab ride home, my last cash went to get us there and I was also about 10 blocks from an ATM.

Being drunk-confused-upset-homo I just started walking home, through a crappy neighborhood of course. I arrived home around 3am, drunk-dialed about 10 people on the way, including my ex cause I like to appear pathetic. And, folks, day 3 of 2006 and I still haven't gotten laid. Good to be back.

Praise the baby Jebus

There are those people you (somewhat) secretly lust after, errr want to buy a white picket fenced yard and cape cod with 3 bedrooms for. but they are always dating someone, the worst is when you know them because they are dating a friend. you sit and think he could SO do better, but you bite your lip, smile, try.. then the magic day comes.

the email you've been waiting for, the one you have made sure you wouldn't have anything to do with. the one that says "we broke up"

i got it tonight. it was also a cancel on my birthday party, but i'll gladly live without him on friday, cause i'm so inviting him to coffee on saturday. "be there" for him :-)

ok, sleep comes happy now.

Dinner with ex

Speaking of hurting boys for no reason, I went to dinner with my ex tonight. He is all excited because he (the jew) and his new boy (the oriental) have decided to become monogamous. Of course, the jew and I were monogamous for a grand total of 38 hours, then I broke up with him. It was a desperate offer on his part, I accepted and used the moment of mental sanity to say “why the hell are we together” and end it. We didn’t talk for a while, now we have dinner every weds and talk on the phone at work 3-4 days a week. Sometimes you realize love isn’t quite the reason you should hang out and you deal.

Not to get all Carrie Bradshaw, but… when will I know we can get along more than we know when we are dating? The jew and I are closer than we were when we were dating. Actually, after sending out my b-day party invitations, one of my friend IMed “how many of the invites are your ex?” 4 in fact, not bad I’d say. But the point Is in the end, it’s a small event, but 1/4 are EXes. So, what’s it mean when a good bit of my friends know more of me than a few drinks, a few stories like I share with you. They are the stories and they become part of the weft and warp of my life. So why are they “the fabric of my life” and not THE fabric of my life? All little stupid reasons, all missed when a few drinks have been imbibed, and all, well, good guys.

Yeah, "love of your life" is luck kids, just face it and smile.